Every week, I turn over a new leaf. I make new resolutions, write down new-old ideas, make plans, and set out hopefully.

Every week, I convince myself that even though I tried and failed the week before, maybe I’ll achieve this time, maybe I’ll persevere, maybe the Holy Spirit will fill in the gaps for me this time.

Usually by Thursday, I’m tired, resolve worn thin, disappointment creeping up, but I move on till the weekend. And the next Monday morning, I’m up and perky again as optimistic as the Monday before.

I struggle with a lot of things, as everyone does. I struggle with addictions, keeping my focus, being interested, socialising, eating clean, keeping fit, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

These things, I know (or I think), hold me back from being the woman I truly want to be. And by Friday every week, I am shocked that I am where I started; I can’t seem to make myself do what I know is right for me.

The biggest mistake we humans make is assuming that we are rational beings who always choose the right decision or do what is right, even for ourselves.

Habits are hard! We form them because they’re easy, fun, effortless, never because they’re right, logical or even beneficial. And with time these tiny, flimsy cobwebs become the life blood of our lives; as thick as cables running through every vein.

I can’t emphasise how important it is that we look out for what habits we are forming at the moment. Usually, we think we’re in control but these damn habits, they seep in unannounced and unnoticed and before you know it…. they can change the entire trajectory of your life.

Anyways, I digress.

The title of this piece should have been “Every week, I attempt to turn over a new leaf.” Because that’s what I do every week.

I’m trying really hard to regain my freedom from shackles that I love, shackles that I willingly put myself in.

*sigh.

My closing thought of this pointless post is this: If you’re lucky enough to never been addicted to anything, don’t underrate the power of addiction.

Humans are weak and flawed; don’t overestimate your strength to overcome.

Whatever you do repeatedly will, in time, become all that you ever do, especially on those days when you’re tired and can’t summon the energy to fight with you.

I end with a plea to all young adults in High School or University starting life. Be careful; the habits you form now may become the bedrock of your adult life.

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